Common Sense Parenting

Through the last three years of parenting (so far), I have pointedly stayed away from doing things "by the book." I don't much believe in using all the books out there to help me raise my child. I do, however, try to listen to and learn from the experiences and personal advice of friends, family, and accquaintances both online and in real life. So things I have adopted, some things I have rejected, and some I have tweaked to fit my parenting style. I call it "common sense parenting," and I don't need a book to follow my instict.

So, yesterday the family and I went to the mall for the Borders "going out of business" sale, and I snatched up a 900-page book titled "What to Expect-- the Toddler Years." And I bought it. Now, why would I do that? I just said I don't believe in parenting books, didn't I?

Sometimes I surprise myself.

So, I've been flipping through the various pages and reading here and there, and realize that I've already implemented a lot of the things suggested. And some of the things seem like they're just SO elementary, like anyone could figure this stuff out. But I realize that isn't the case in many instances. My husband and really have good role models in our own parents, which I'm sure is a lot of why we seem to be so far ahead of the curve in so many areas.

Not to say that a lot of the things I have tried haven't sometimes blown up in my face. Like, when I decided it might work to take away Gabe's television privileges until he successfully pooped on the potty...or taking away one of his cars every time he pooped in his pants... In fact, I've tried a LOT of things to get Gabe to poop on the potty, and none of them have worked. So what's my strategy now? Nothing. I've given up. It's not worth the fight, and I have more important things to stress about. And Gabe will just have to poop-train himself, I guess.

I am not a perfect parent. I lose my patience. I lose my temper. I get frustrated over little things that really shouldn't get to me. I am sometimes a little contradictory: I firmly believe in not making my baby cry himself to sleep, but then I get upset with him when he won't sleep! I'm not very good at going with the flow where babies are concerned, yet at the same time I strongly believe that's what I _should_ be doing. So I get frustrated, with myself more than anything else, when I fall short of my own expectations.

But then I've also learned to relax and forgive myself of certain short-comings. For instance, I really really wanted to "baby wear" with baby #2. I thought it would be a great way to keep my baby close to me and happy while I also dealt with the demands of a toddler and housekeeping in general. I've "talked" with so many mothers online who have successfully worn their babies what seems like all the time, no matter what they're doing. I thought I could do this, too. The reality, however, turned out quite different. I do baby wear sometimes, but probably not more than two or three times a week-- usually limited to walks around the neighborhood and sometimes a quick shopping trip. Zac has simply grown so big so fast that my back cannot handle the stress of wearing him a lot. I look at mothers wearing their *little* babies and think, "If my baby were _that_ size, then I could do it." Baby-wearing has also been a challenge in that Zac spits up a lot (though you'd never guess it by his humongous size), and it's often worse when I have him cinched up in the Moby, which is also the only baby carrier that I have. So there you go. I have resigned myself to using the stroller and the walker and the blanket on the floor. And I painfully admit that I have occasionally had to ignore the cries of my baby while dealing with something else (like my toddler) needing immediate attention, which is another thing I am learning to accept as a part of having _two_ kids now instead of just one to share my time with.

And this brings me back to the point that, while I have taken many good ideas and methods of parenting from other sources, I have ultimately had to reject or tweak many of these to fit my own and my family's personalities and situations. And that's okay. It's what works for us. And a lot of it's just Common Sense.