Elimination

Growing up, I was taught to be respectful of my private parts. Using the bathroom was always done in private once I was capable enough to do it by myself. I have memories of bathing and showering with my mom, but never my dad. I do remember bathing with my little brother, but that also stopped at an appropriate age.

We never talked about poop at the dinner table; passing gas was something to hide as best as possible (though I'm not sure this is something I picked up at home, but rather in grade school, where the kid who "farted" was mocked mercilessly).

Men's public restrooms have urinals without walls; but in a women's restroom, every toilet is in a private stall.

I realize there are segments of the population where "potty humor" is the norm, and people are perfectly comfortable with their own-- and everyone else's-- bodies. I, however, did not grow up in one of these.

Even as I confess to the following, it makes me a little embarrassed...But, I struggled with gas a lot in high school and college. It seemed to be an almost daily issue, and while I tried my best to hold it in, or at least make it come out slowly so it wouldn't be obvious, it still felt like everyone would be staring at me as I struggled. If I could, I would try to excuse myself. But, that was rarely possible, especially since this gas would continue to leak out sometimes for minutes at a time.

In college, I remember sitting at a computer in the library, working on some paper or other, and I would feel that familiar urge...Now fortunately, most of the time the gas was pretty odorless (to me at least). But of course, I could never know what it would be until it had been passed...But what could I do, sitting there? If I had excused myself every time to go into the restroom, I would have been visiting the restroom every five minutes. So, I would let the gas slowly leak as I continued to plow through my homework. But the entire time, I felt ashamed...Why was my body acting like this? Why couldn't I just be "normal"? Was I really so different? Or did a lot of people pass gas like this, but no one ever talks about it, so we all have this unachievable ideal of never farting in front of other people? And if so, when and why did it become so taboo?

A turnaround came to me after I became engaged to Nick. We were sitting in the apartment lounge together, talking, and I kept having these little farts. It was getting embarrassing, and I was trying to be discreet but I thought for sure Nick could hear them (or smell them). Then all of a sudden, I just broke down. This was probably the first time I had ever really cried around my to-be-husband. As he described to me later, he was absolutely devastated. He thought he had said or done something wrong, and my crying came on so suddenly. But he quickly began to comfort me, and I tried to explain why I was so upset, and I don't think he even really understood what I was trying to say for quite some time. I don't remember exactly what passed between us in that moment. But after that, my healing began.

I cuntinued to deal with the gas, but somehow it didn't bother me as much. Nick didn't care if I passed gas, so I no longer tried to hide it around him; and I even became aware, then, that he farted almost as much as I did. If it still was not "normal" in the general population, it became normal for us.

After we were married, I found other barriers broken down as well. Nick and I used the toilet in front of each other all the time. After our first baby was born, poop became a regular conversation piece: "Gabe had a poopy diaper today-- it was green and orange, can you imagine?" "I'm worried that Gabe hasn't pooped in two days-- do you think he might be constipated?" And in talking about our baby's elimination so freely, our own became less taboo as well. "I had awful diarrhea today, it just kept coming and coming and coming-- do you think it might have been that chili we ate yesterday?" "Wow, sorry about that; I really stink tonight."

I realize in typing all this that I might be offending some. That's their prepogative. But I have come to the conclusion, that talking about poop, and generally becoming more aware of one's elimination, is a good thing. Our poop tells us a lot about ourselves: and not just about how the foods we eat affect what comes out the other end, but it can also be a primary indicator of other health issues such as liver disease. I study my own kids' poop with interest, as it allows me to judge their need for more (or less) fiber in their diets, fluid intake, possible food intolerances, etc. I just can't see how treating elimination as a taboo subject is going to help them in the long run, whereas allowing them to feel comfortable discussing their various intestinal issues as they grow could save their lives one day.

I am determined that my boys (and girls if I have them) will not grow up learning to be ashamed of their bodily functions as I was (not that I blame my parents for that; I'm sure it prolly just wasn't something that seemed important to them one way or the other).

And if, as a result, my family is comsidered crude or uncouth by some, well I guess that's just how it's going to be. But elimination is a natural-- and important-- function that our bodies perform; should it really be so taboo simply because the anus is so close in vicinity to our sex organs (which, btw, I still believe in treating with respect and keeping private)?